From Surviving to Thriving : Setting Free from a Toxic Relationship

Hello, dear Readers!

Welcome to my first blog post.

The sole purpose is to reach out to women who have gone through adversity and are looking for ways to empowerment, who are trapped in a toxic intimate partner relationship and those who have exited the abusive relationship but are stuck in life and do not know how to move forward. Through this blog, I will be sharing the tools, techniques, and various methods that can help them regain their confidence and mental strength to reach their full potential and evolve themselves. These tools were adopted and honed by me on my journey to re-create my identity, lost to the man who kept me under his power and control for many years. I found my inner strength and mental resilience to escape from his trap and live a free life of my own choice. These tools alleviated my pain and facilitated my transcendence into a thriver and continue to do so till this day. My core mission as a transformational coach is to help women caught in similar situations to be empowered by working with me through my 12-week transformation program. The goal of the program is to enable my clients to be driven by the mere force of inner energy and purpose to live a stable and fulfilling life they deserve.

The Reality of Toxic Relationships: Toxic relationships can be incredibly damaging, not just because of the immediate pain they cause but also due to the long-lasting impact on self-esteem, trust, and the ability to form healthy relationships. When I was in a toxic relationship, I felt alone, numb, and trapped. It was a tormenting cycle of emotional highs and devastating lows, where moments of apparent happiness were quickly overshadowed by periods of intense conflict and emotional pain.

My Turning Point: The turning point for me came when I realized that the cost of staying was far greater than the fear of leaving. It wasn't an overnight decision, nor was it an easy one. It was the culmination of many sleepless nights, countless tears, and the slow but steady growth of a voice inside me that said, "You and your children deserve better." This realization wasn't just about ending a relationship; it was about setting my foot on a new path of healing and re-claiming my Inner Self.

The Transformation Journey: Leaving the tormented relationship was just the first step. The real work began when I started to rebuild my sense of self. I learned that healing wasn't linear; it involved good days and bad days, steps forward, and moments of relapse. But with each step, I grew stronger. I embraced transformational coaching to begin to understand the patterns that had led me to the toxic relationship in the first place.

Empowering Others: As I healed, I found a new purpose in helping others navigate their way out of similar situations. I trained as a coach and became an advocate and clinician for people of domestic abuse. I had earned a MSW degree earlier in life which had broadened my viewpoint and taught me not to judge people. I learnt compassion, perseverance, and humility. It geared me up for working with people and not for people. My approach is grounded in empathy, understanding, and a firm belief that everyone deserves a relationship that is mutually respectful and trustworthy, one that uplifts and supports them, not one that controls and suffocates them, and diminishes their spirit. My experience taught me that all humans possess the capability and the capacity to change their story by changing their state of mind.

Conclusion: Today, I stand before you not just as a survivor of a toxic relationship but as a fighter, a warrior, and someone who has transformed that pain into a source of strength and emancipation. I live a meaningful and purposeful life filled with joy. I hope my story inspires you to believe in the possibility of a brighter, healthier future. Remember, you have the innate power to change and re-write your story, and I'm here to help you do just that.

Key Takeaways for My Readers:

1. Recognizing the Signs of Toxicity: The initial and most vital step is to acknowledge that you are in a toxic relationship. This means identifying the signs of toxicity, which can range from emotional abuse, manipulation, and control to more subtle forms of disrespect, gaslighting, and violence. It's about understanding that the relationship is causing more harm than good to your well-being. You could be in an unsafe environment, which could turn out to be fatal.

2. Accepting Your Feelings: Often, individuals in toxic relationships

battle with denial and a sense of loyalty or hope that things will improve. The first step involves accepting your feelings of unhappiness, fear, frustration, or despair as valid and real. It's about giving yourself permission to feel these emotions without judgment. Don’t neglect the abuse, and don’t keep giving chances to the abuser. If he/she is not willing to seek medical help for their deviant and criminal behavior, then it’s time to plan and leave before it becomes unsafe.

3. Seeking Information to Gain Understanding: Educating yourself about toxic relationships, narcissism, and co-dependency is crucial. This could involve reading books, and articles, or listening to podcasts that discuss toxic relationships, their impact, and ways to leave them. Understanding the dynamics at play can be empowering and help in making informed decisions.

4. Self-Reflection & Belief in Self: Take time to reflect on what you truly deserve in a relationship. This step is about reconnecting with your self-worth and understanding that you deserve to be treated with respect, love, and kindness. Your value does not diminish because of someone else's inability to see your worth.

5. Reaching Out for Support: It's important to know that you don’t need to suffer in silence. You need to reach out to trusted friends, family members, neighbors, colleagues at work, or professional services for support who can provide the emotional strength and practical advice needed to navigate this challenging time. This support network can be instrumental in reinforcing your decision and providing a safe space to express your feelings.

6. Keep the Children in the Loop Appropriately: How much we may try to keep children away to protect them, but they know it all. They may even feel betrayed if they are not kept in the loop when they face a violent situation or news of separation. It is advisable to share discreetly what’s going on between the parents and get them professional help if needed.

7. Planning for Safety and Next Steps: In cases where safety is a concern, it’s critical to develop a safety plan. This may include arranging a place to stay, securing financial resources, and understanding legal rights. I would advise them to keep all the necessary documents and a set of car keys outside the house in a hidden place where one can retrieve them in case you have to leave and run out of your premises to protect yourself.

Remember, this first step to freedom doesn't happen overnight. The first step is often the hardest but also the most crucial. It's a journey. Each small step taken towards acknowledgment and acceptance is a step towards freedom for a healthier, happy, and a fulfilling life.

Call to Action: If you're struggling with a toxic relationship, know that you're not alone. There are State funded resources, mental health specialists and therapists available to support. And Professional coaches like me offer one-on-one, on-line coaching to get back your hope, desire, power and resilience, and guide you on your journey. Please feel free to reach out for support.

1. For my memoir, please visit kanchanbhaskar.com

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