Re-igniting Self-Love and Self-Care

Hello, Dear Readers!

Welcome to my fourth blog post. 

Ranjiv, my friend and an attorney by profession looked at my sad and watery eyes, sitting across him in his office. I desperately wanted out of my marriage. Although he was not a divorce attorney, I thought it was a good start since I had not known any other.  My arranged marriage to an alcoholic, angry, abusive narcissist had left me lost, depressed and weak physically, mentally, and emotionally. However, I had to carry on for the sake of my 3 toddlers, a daughter, and twin boys. I was worried about custody and wanted to seek knowledge on the custody laws. This was the time when Google was not on the scene.

I told him my purpose of seeing him and shared that I cannot fathom custody of even one child going to my perpetrator as that would ruin my child’s life. Ranjiv didn’t take a full second to respond “Custody of one or two children will certainly go to him based on your financial situation. In fact, all three can go to him if he behaves nasty and falsely implicates you with infidelity.”

My tears started to roll down, “that’s unacceptable to me. I want all my three children.”

“You shall have to wait till they turn eighteen, incase it’s not mutual.”

I was now howling!

“you think, you are born a martyr, that you will sacrifice your life, you will still live even if you don’t get custody of all the three. You are young and you need to live your life. You need to be happy and loving yourself first to be able to love your children and keep them happy. Look at you, what have you done to yourself? You used to be a charming, happy girl”

Then taking his gaze away from me, he took out paper from his printer and wrote down ME with a red ink pen in the center of the page in upper case and underlined it. He handed the paper to me and said, ME is important, first love yourself and then think of other plans.

I left his office with a mixed emotion of being morose and a newfound enthusiasm of loving self-first!

As I stepped back into the house, I straight away went into the store room and located my music system, which I had dumped a few years back. Music had been my passion and connected me to my soul. I dusted it and brought it out in the living room. Searched for my favorite cassettes and turned it on. I then went into the bathroom and looked at myself. I didn’t like those looks, the looks of a rundown woman, a victim. I felt embarrassed at myself, why had I stopped living. Where was my previous self, always well dressed and well groomed. In the next couple of days, I installed long mirrors everywhere on the walls of the house and looked into them consciously to form a habit of telling myself, “I am the best.” My brain began to get wired. The confidence started to seep in. I could see myself smiling. I recalled, my college mates used to call me “Infectious smile” as I was chirpy and smiling all the time. I started to feel the energy coming back. My dressing sense changed, I started to appreciate myself. And this was just the beginning. Ranjiv was one of those angels who came on my path towards  finding freedom.

Embracing self-love not only transformed my own life but also had a profound impact on those around me, especially my children. I recognized, when we are filled with love and respect for ourselves, we can extend genuine compassion and kindness to others. Our relationships become more authentic, and we contribute to a more loving and accepting world.

Understanding Self-Love and Self-Care

Self-love is the practice of caring for and valuing oneself both emotionally and physically. It involves treating oneself with kindness, compassion, and acceptance, recognizing one's worth, and prioritizing self-care and well-being. Self-love is an important aspect of mental and emotional health, as it helps individuals build a positive self-image and maintain a healthy relationship with themselves. It's about acknowledging and embracing one's strengths and flaws while fostering a deep sense of self-respect and self-esteem.

Self-love and self-care are related concepts, but they have distinct meanings and are often practiced together to promote overall well-being. Here's a breakdown of the key differences between self-love and self-care:

1. Self-Love:

   • Self-love is primarily a psychological and emotional concept. It relates to the way you perceive and value yourself.

   • It involves cultivating a positive self-image, self-esteem, and self-acceptance. It's about recognizing your intrinsic worth as a person.

   • Self-love is about having a healthy and positive regard for yourself, being kind and compassionate toward yourself, and developing a sense of self-respect.

   • It encompasses self-compassion, self-acceptance, positive self-talk, and forgiveness, among other psychological aspects.

   • Self-love is foundational to a positive self-identity and plays a role in how you view your worth and deservingness.

2. Self-Care:

   • Self-care is more focused on practical and behavioral actions that you take to nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.It involves actively taking steps to maintain and improve your overall health and happiness. This can include practices related to diet, exercise, sleep, stress management, and relaxation.

   • Self-care can also encompass activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, leisure time, and pursuing personal interests.

   • It often involves setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, prioritizing your needs, and managing your time and energy effectively.

While self-love is about the mindset and emotional relationship you have with yourself, self-care is about the actions you take to support and nurture your well-being. They are interconnected because self-love can motivate you to engage in self-care practices, and self-care can, in turn, reinforce and enhance self-love by demonstrating that you value and prioritize yourself. Both are essential for a balanced and fulfilling life.

Key Takeaways for My Readers:

1. Self-Love is Foundational: Recognize that self-love is not a luxury or a selfish act, but a fundamental necessity for a healthy and fulfilling life. 

2. It Begins with Acceptance: The first step towards self-love is accepting yourself wholeheartedly, with all your imperfections and strengths.

3. Self-Compassion is Key: Learning to be kind and compassionate to yourself, especially during tough times, is crucial in the self-love journey.

4. Unique is Valuable: Embrace your uniqueness and remember that it's what sets you apart and makes you special.

Call to Action :

Embracing self-love is a transformative process that not only enhances your own life but also enriches the lives of those around you. Begin your journey to a fulfilling life today. Embrace the power of self-love and self-care now! By committing to love and accepting yourself, you will pave the way for a life of genuine happiness and joy!

Next Blog-5 will be on Cultivating Self-Love and Self Care-Practical Steps!

1. For my memoir, please visit kanchanbhaskar.com

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