Spousal abuse: hard to talk about but important to read

Spousal abuse is one of the most troubling realities of human experience, violently disrupting a commitment built upon principles of love and trust. Due to prevailing social conventions, we usually keep these miserable occurrences secret. That way we don’t have to make our listeners uncomfortable. “Oh, your husband is humiliating or even beating you? Gotta go.”

While such miseries that are rarely shared in conversation, they adapt beautifully to a well told memoir. In memoirs authors come out from behind forced smiles, and spell the whole thing out, in detail.

On the receiving end, readers say “Please tell me about the most outrageous assaults on your personhood. All I ask in return is that your story leads through the darkness toward hope – the hope of human kindness, of compassion, of banding together, of insight and wisdom.

Kanchan Bhaskar’s memoir Leaving does not disappoint. Her miserable difficulties extend across an impossibly long period, and ever so slowly and steadily she climbs to empowered effort and decisions. In the end, she does find her strength and the joy of being alive.

In addition to this central theme of finding herself through the night-of-the-soul valley of spousal abuse, the memoir offers fascinating subthemes, in the marriage and family relationships across two continents. For anyone curious about the cultural norms of India, this book will provide many insights.

Another theme is found in the conclusion, to move toward “giving back,” helping others who have struggled through similar situations.

Memoir genre purists might disagree with the sheer length of the character arc, from teenager dreams to retiree insights – for me, that is not a problem. The length of the character arc fit perfectly with the needs of the story.